Nostalgia

Q:  Why are they always talking about the "good old days"?

A:  The best answer I ever saw to this question was on a bumper sticker I saw last week:  "The older we get, the better we used to be."

Golf

Q:  Why does my dad play golf all the time?  

A:  If he's a pro golfer, he does it to make money.  If not, he probably does it for social reasons.  People don't play golf for the workout (for proof, look at the waistline of the average golfer), and they sure don't do it to relax (for proof, watch the body language of a golfer who's just hit a ball into a water hazard).  

The most fun part about golf is driving around in a little cart with your buds, complaining about your job, and smoking cigars.  Even if you hate cigars, they somehow taste good on a golf course.

Hard Candy

Q:       Why do adults eat hard candy? 

A:        Three reasons:  1.) to prove that they're patient enough to eat something that dissolves reeaallyy sslloowwwwly; 2.) as a substitute for something else that they'd rather be doing, such as smoking cigarettes or drinking martinis; and 3.) because soft candy might pull their dentures out.  

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